According to the Judiciary of Zambia Annual Report (2022), divorce petitions filed in Local Courts increased from 21,614 in 2021 to 31,452 in 2022, reflecting a sharp rise in marital breakdowns.
While every family has its own story, counsellors argue that children often bear the greatest emotional burden because they are forced to adapt to circumstances they neither caused nor fully understand.
For many people, cheating is seen as a betrayal between two partners. However, the consequences often extend far beyond the couple involved.
When infidelity leads to separation or divorce, children and other family members are left to deal with emotional wounds that can last for years. While broken relationships eventually make headlines in families and communities, the silent suffering of children is often overlooked.
Family therapist Dr. John Gottman, co-founder of The Gottman Institute, argues that children are among the greatest victims when marriages break because of unresolved conflict and betrayal.
In the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999), Gottman explains that prolonged parental conflict can negatively affect children’s emotional security and development.
He argues that children who are repeatedly exposed to conflict at home often grow up feeling unsafe an emotionally insecure as a result most of them are unable to regulate emotions around other people even through adulthood.
Similarly, psychologist Dr. Judith Wallerstein, in the Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (2000) found that many children from broken homes experience anxiety, low self-esteem and difficulties trusting others well into adulthood.
Experts say some children struggle to concentrate at school, while others become withdrawn or angry as they try to cope with the sudden changes in their home environment.
Furthermore, family counsellors also argue that children who are constantly exposed to parental conflict often experience emotional distress even when parents believe they are shielding them from the situation.
An article from Emerging minds, Understanding child development 2020 by Dr. Sarah Mclean reveals that children begin to understand family dynamics at the age of 5 – 8 years old, at this age, they are able to make social comparisons with their peers’ parents and begin to internalize emotions around them.
The article highlights that some children may begin to blame themselves for parental conflict or divorce and some may develop anger towards themselves or their parents.
Social worker and Childs Rights advocate Ms. Bupe Mwambazi also adds that divorce cases in homes or where one parent walks away makes children blame themselves and question the love from their parents especially when they cannot fully understand why it happened.
“We have instances where children begin to ask questions like mummy/daddy did dad/mom leave because of me”, Ms. Mwambazi said.
According to Ms. Mwambazi, this commonly happens in cases of infidelity where one parent leaves to start a new relationship and in such situations, children not only deal with the loss of a complete family but also the feeling of betrayal.
She also said that the impact of broken families has a long term effect on the development of a child through adulthood and that some adults are angry and aggressive because of what they witnessed during their childhood.
Mr. Chris Bwalya a resident of Lusaka said he experienced infidelity in a home when he was 10 years old where his mother had to leave her marriage because she could not bear the pain any longer.
“At the age of 10 I could see my mother cry and I felt her pain every time my father cheated on her”, he said.
Mr. Bwalya also said that although his father remained present as a father figure, the infidelity caused deep resentment that even today at the age of 35, he still struggles to understand why his father made those decisions.
He also highlighted that even though he grew up in such a situation, he did not let that define the adult that he is today stating that he plans on breaking the cycle so that his sons don’t grow up in a broken home and plans on being a good example of how men should be in society.
But Mr. Bwalya’s story is not unique, it reflects a wider crisis playing out across Zambian homes as the increasing number of broken marriages has become a growing concern in the country.
For Mazuba Mvula, the pain of infidelity did not end when the relationship ended. Instead, it marked the beginning of a new chapter filled with emotional healing and personal struggles. Reflecting on the experience, Mvula admits that betrayal changed the way she views relationships.
“It has been really hard because it has given me trust issues. I’m unable to trust anyone in a relationship and it’s made me distant,” she said.
Although time has passed since the separation, she explains that rebuilding confidence to trust people remains one of the greatest challenges she continues to face.
Mvula also described the financial realities of becoming a single parent after the separation.
She recalls that life changed significantly because her former partner had been the family’s main breadwinner.
“We faced financial problems because he was the main breadwinner. It’s just not the same since we split,” she explained.
Despite the emotional and financial difficulties, Mvula says she continues to move forward one day at a time, hoping that sharing her experience will remind others that the consequences of infidelity often extend far beyond the two people involved.
While the focus is on children and women, author Ruth Kapele in Dairies of Masked Married Men highlights that men also carry struggles after infidelity, the book explains the hidden battles and consequences families face when trust is broken in the home.
The stories of children like Mr. Bwalya and experts all point to the fact that when a home is broken by cheating, the wounds cut deep and last long, in the end a home is more than just a house, it is where trust is built and where healing begins. When that foundation is shaken by infidelity, everyone pays the price but when people choose truth over secrecy, and responsibility over escape, broken homes can still find a way to mend.