As one walks around Lusaka town-centre, one thing, other than the hurly-burly of city life, right away that catches the eye is the prevalence of posters that trumpet a dead-certain possibility of having a bigger penis, a curvaceous body or big breasts and butts upon using special creams prepared by individuals who masquerade as professors in traditional medicine.
One unsuspecting resident of Lusaka tried out these products to find out whether they do the trick.
“I was strolling along the corridors of a business park when all of a sudden attention was wrested from a receipt I was holding to a board of posters around a corner. The predominant bill advertised enlargement creams which I had desperately sought to remedy my poor and embarrassing performance in bed. That was the first stage in the sequence of events,” the resident explains under anonymity.
This set in motion, as it would for anyone else facing his predicament, hopes for heightened sexuality, much to the pleasure of the wife back home.
“I picked my phone outright and rung the number at the bottom of the advert. The woman on the other end of the line was like, ‘hello, how may we help you sir.’ I submitted my problem and expressed desire for solution. I never knew that I was yet to be associated with an horrific experience.”
He went on to make arrangements for meeting time at the ‘centre’. The woman who introduced herself as Professor Georgina asked him to prepare k500 and wear loose clothes on the ‘big’ day.
“The woman undertook to fix my issue once and for all. She gave a long talk about the magic-like properties of her medicine and the strong features my genitalia will develop in two weeks. I had no problem with the price but I was anxious about the details of the treatment. The message sounded to be the answer for which I had waited long.”
He never informed his wife about his intentions to see this woman who appealed to his passions and made high-sounding promises.
“I dashed off early in the morning on a Tuesday to meet the woman. I discovered she was a traditional healer in her forties.”
The venue was a normal home setting, except it bore nondescript features and had no other people around besides them. He wanted to find out why this was so but the answer seemed to be beyond the scope of his interests.
“She welcomed me and heard my situation all over again. I was asked to undress and things begun from there.”
This was a place of monastery silence. It was foreboding at best. The woman was kind and always tried to elude eye contact.
“In a tender and soft way she touched my penis and then rubbed it so hard to make observations that were best known to herself. She looked at it as it protruded and recommended a black cream that would iron out the short-lived erection it suffers when I have sex with my wife.”
The traditional healer pulled out the cream and spelled out the directions he was to follow when using it to ensure maximum results. No sooner did he pay for it than he left.
“Even after coming back home I was not ready to share the experience with my wife. I simply set out to use the cream and two weeks later the results manifested.”
His manhood enlarged, so much so that it could no longer be accommodated in his pants. It became very dark and it would never loose tumescence.
“I was shocked. I thought the results would be consistent with my expectations. In the second week I went to bed with my wife. I was so strong and forceful that she could not endure me. She run away and demanded for a profuse apology. She also wanted to know what I had just done to myself.”
This ordeal, though fabricated, is a case in point with regards to the probable dangers of seeking sexual redress through unconventional means. The efficacy of the rampant manhood enlargement creams has not been scientifically established. As witnessed in the story, the results may run counter to the expectations one holds dear. The creams did, for the man, ruin a marriage.
It seems enlargement creams have come to stay judging from the time they have been around. While there is no knowing the consequences that would befall one by their use, it is necessary that government does not sit back and keep quiet over their existence.
There is, of course, no product which is without defect. But the defects of these creams are largely unknown. This makes it even more dangerous because their consequences could be the most lethal around.
Ideally, it is better to see a urologist over one’s sexual deformities or weaknesses rather than consult a traditional healer from the backwoods of town. To visit such individuals who have no proper claim to professorship would be the height of brazen folly.
The creams could be facades and the people behind them could be unscrupulous. The Government should look into the rising tide of such activities and probably do the taming to shield its citizens from any troubles ahead.
Victor Kalalanda is a final year media student at the University of Zambia, and he is the current managing editor of this online newspaper, the Lusaka Star.His expertise as a final year media student straddles two vastly different countries, namely Switzerland, where he worked for a top-tier media agency as a B360 Digital Marketing Global Intern, and Zambia, where he has, as either stringer or intern, competitively held jobs with all State-owned media—the Times of Zambia, Zambia Daily Mail and Zambia National Broadcasting Corporation (TV1 & TV2).For additional media production skills and insights, he completed a two-months internship with Loyola Media Productions & Broadcasting Zambia Limited—and continues to serve with a campus radio station as a reporter, news and show presenter.Before university, he survived on a series of odd jobs, later worked as a street hawker, itinerant security guard and barman, during which time he suffered bouts of humiliation and poverty, and vowed that if he ever got a real chance at life, he would die a little to make the most of it.As such, since entering university, grit and determination have been his life's guiding principles and this has in the past led a lecturer and a recruiter to describe him as "very aggressive and ambitious."In 3 years he has built a reputation for academic excellence, won 3 coveted awards and he has served in top student leadership positions as a class representative, publicity secretary and senior news editor.In his final year he now concentrates not only on building a great GPA but also on raising his career profile as a digital marketing consultant, professional ghostwriter and book editor, journalist, managing editor of the Lusaka Star, public relations aide and research assistant.He balances up his enthusiasm for career development with humanitarian work as a secretary general of an NGO, and further as a guitarist.He enjoys intellectual discussions around the subjects of love, relationships, media, politics, economics, education, underdevelopment, religion, charity, literature, sports and travelling.